First Article!

First article on CollegeHumor!

A Tale of Two Sodas

Check it out, Like it, Digg it even, if you're feeling a little crazy...

Digg Me!

I'm way late, I know (waaaaay late), but I have recently discovered the wonderful bliss of Digg.com. This thing is awesome.


Check me out.



...Yeah, that's it.

If you're feeling a little self-important...

...click the link below to find out just how mind-bogglingly insignificant you, and the rest of humanity, actually are.

Largest Known Star

Duhn Duhn Duhn Duhn, Duuhn DuhnDuhn Duuhn DuhnDuhn

I've never really been into Soul Caliber, or fighting games outside of Mortal Kombat II, but I think they just got a new customer.

Soul Caliber IV Trailer
(stick around till the end)

You might say I'm soul'd. That's a pun.

This Really Happened to Me Today at the Checkout Line at Shoprite

Lady with gravely voice:  Excuse me, are there any C batteries on that shelf next to you?

Me:  Doesn't look like it, only AA.

Lady with gravely voice:  Ah, shit, there goes my date tonight.

And, scene.

My Thoughts on the Writers' Strike

The WGA strike continues, pressing on steadfastly in the face of unrelenting douchebaggery. As an aspiring comedy writer/filmmaker/general funny guy, I've been thinking a lot about it. Of course the writers deserve a fair dollar for their work, but there are a lot of people being peripherally affected by this strike: the actors, the cameramen, the secretaries, the janitors, etc. But there's one important issue that no one is addressing.

I graduate in May. AMPTP and WGA, please settle by then, as I'd like to be able to look for a job when I graduate college.

P.A.R.E.

Signs of Addiction:

• Change in activities; loss of interest in things that were important before.
• Drop in school or work performance; skips or is late to school or work.
• Changes in habits at home; loss of interest in family and family activities.
• Unexplained silliness or giddiness.
• Unexplained need for money; can't explain where money goes; stealing.
• Change in personal grooming habits.
• Irritability, sleep disturbances, anxiety and depression after stopping use.
• A continuing strong desire to use.

It's official. I'm addicted to Peggle.

Telephone Phone Digits Number

I came across this while entering data at my temp job today:




I feel like I should blur out the numbers, but if someone actually wanted to call this number, where would they start? "770" or "404", or maybe skip some of them? It's not even as if they accidently just wrote the area code twice. Each sequence of digits is different. This baffles me.

Update (1/4/08):

Came across this today, too:

Do you think that there's just one person filling all these out? And that person has never used a phone before?

Mucinex- No Longer "Da Bangins"

I got to work today and took my daily morning noseblast of that beauteous nasal fluid, Mucinex. I logged into my computer and began my morning internet routine- check Gmail, check feeds, Wikipedia something stupid I thought of on the way to work, and generally avoid doing what it is that I'm being paid to do. Twenty minutes later, right on cue, my nose was full of soft mucus membranes, ready to be ejected from my nostrils into the cold brown paper towel that would be their transport to the trash can of their inevitable demise. They ejected, and as I was folding up the paper towel to deposit in the trash can, I saw the slightest bit of red sticking out. I unfolded the napkin, to find those mucus membranes I wanted out of my body mixed up with a fluid I very much wanted to remain inside my body: blood. A lot of it. I threw away the towel and looked at the side of the Mucinex bottle:

Directions: Take two shots up each clogged nostril. (check) Repeat every 10-12 hours as needed. (check) Do not exceed more than twice within a 24-hour period. (check) Do not take for more than three days. (...uh oh)

Today is day... five? Six, maybe? Mucinex, you have betrayed me. No more shall you be the one to comfort my nasal passages in their snotty rush hour of need.

Happy New Year

Happy 2008, may it make 2007 look like crap. Looking better for me already.